“That was the best game ive ever seen!” Jesse yelled as he shot down the freeway. “Dude slow down.” Bradley Shouted at the top of his lungs. “Nothing could ruin this night, absolutely nothing”. Zach cranked up the music in the car until it seemed as though he was going to blow the speakers. Little did they know…..? Well you’ll find out!
Kylie, Bradley, Zach, and Jesse were driving home from their collage football game, it was an away game. Kylie yells to Jesse who at that was driving the car “I have to go to the bathroom!” Jesse responded rudely with a selfish “CANT YOU WAIT WOMAN” “NOPE” Kylie screamed back at him. Jesse swerved off the road A few mile down the road says the sign is a gas station. A light up the road flickers on off on off and so on and so forth. Kylie sprints to the gas station because she had been holding in her pee for so long. Zach out of instincts follows her just to be sure she is safe, I mean this place wasn’t Disney world. Bradley and Jesse were the only people left in the car Bradley had to go to the bathroom to. “I’ve got to pee want to come?” Jesse shot him a look of death saying “no just hurry up ok.” “All right dude be right back” Bradley slammed the car door and ran to catch up to Zach and Kylie. “Will you guys wait for me I have to go to the bathroom?” Zach responded with a “sure no problem” Kylie silently nodded.
As soon as Bradley finished his bathroom business they headed back to the car, but when they arrived the car was nowhere to be found and neither was Jesse?!
Many thoughts paced through each of there mind what to think first? Where did he go? Did he leave them there? IS he going to come back? What will they do?
Just then a Kylie felt as though someone was watching her she was begin to feel that they weren’t alone in this abandoned town.
Zach felt tap on his shoulder, he whip his head around so hard it was almost as if he could have broke it. It was a woman kind of old fashioned and had a look in her eye that just made her look like she was a cat ready to attack. They all Bellowed out a scream, “don’t worry kids I live around here I heard a bunch of ruckus so I walked on up the road to se what was going on!” Kylie looked bewildered “who are you.” “ ohm how silly of me my name is Gertrude Bottumfull you can call me Gert for short.” Zach wasn’t quite sure what to do at this point she looked so sweet. “Well it is a pleasure Gert” “would yall like to come for a nice hot cup of tea?” Gert asked “umm I don’t know” Bradley rudely interrupted her “yes we would love to!!” We followed Gert down the road until we got to this small house it look so ancient. We slowly walked in she handed us each a cup of tea. I glanced into the kitchen only to see Jesse? He looked as though he was being dragged along the floor by some man with a mask. Just then I grabbed for Zach’s phone in my hand I said “I need to call my mom I need to go home” NOW” gert screamed at the time of her lungs. She locked all of the doors and Grabbed Zach Bradley took off running. I screamed to Zach “go on Ky I LOVE YOU Stay safe ill be ok!” Just then the masked man shot him in the head “2 down 2 to go!” yelled the masked man. Kylie took off down the hall and hid in a closet with Bradley. “Kylie, Bradley come out I don’t want to hurt you I want to help you!” Gerts voice echoed across the house. “She’s coming stay quiet.” Bradley whispered. “Shhhhhh” Kylie was beginning to sound annoyed. Suddenly a shot rang out and I t hit Bradley he told Kylie “Ky Keep on going Stay safe!” Kylie was more determined than ever to get out but slowly and slowly that desire faded because the chances of that were slim to none. Kylie called the police the were sending police there right away Kylie jumped out of the closet and Punched Gert right in the face thus forcing her to drop the gun. But suddenly the masked man picks it up and shoots Kylie. That Day Kylie, Bradley, Zach, And Jesse died a few moments after Kylie died the police showed up and arrested Gert and the masked man. Happy ending or sad you decide???
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7 comments:
There was so much suspense in the last paragraph. Also I thought that Jesse would get out alive.
i really liked the ending. also great detial and the questions were great to. the old lady was a great touch and the "stay safe" quotes made it realistic! Great story
This story is very intense. I liked it. Although some of it didn't make sense and I thought the ending was sad.
You had some spelling eerors that you need to fix. I liked how you left the reader hanging at the end of some of the paragraphs. I also really liked how you had so much suspence, expecally in the last paragraph. I also agree with njp1092 comment as well as some of the others.
This story was really good. I liked the suspence that you put in it. ANd the old lady.
I like how the characters start to argue throughout the story and i really love the suspense at the end really good job
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