Tuesday, November 07, 2006
On a cold dark dreary evening on the streets of Brooklyn. Two boys by the names of Nick and Matt were walking along the sidewalk. Matt turned his head and saw a dark house with the door half way open. Hey Nick do you want to see what’s inside? Matt questioned. Sure let’s go for it Nick replied. They slowly walked up the stairs leading to the door. Matt peaked his head in and said Hello with a slow voice that echoed all around the house. Both boys totally walked into the house that was completely empty with nothing in it but a small chair. Nick saw a staircase leading to the second floor. Let’s go he exclaimed. They walked up the stairs and both of them stayed close together as it got darker, but then a voice from one of the bedrooms says Who goes there with a loud deep voice. The boys start to make a run for it but when they got to the door the door handle fell off meaning they were locked in this crazy mans house. The man opens the door he was in as the boys whimper in fright as if they were in the Nightmare On Elm Street or Friday The 13th. The man makes a loud noise as he walks down the stairs. Right before he reaches the bottom of the stair case he climbs back up and picks something up and comes back down. Now explain to me why you two juvenile delinquents are in my house he shouts. The boys can’t see his face. Sir, we are sorry please let us go they cried. I don’t think so he slowly puts his item down and pulls on it, turns out to be it’s a chainsaw! The boys run as if they were going for a game winning touchdown in a football game. Matt hides in a Pantry and Nick hides under the stairs. The man paces back and forth “Come out where ever you are” he screams. He took his chainsaw and chopped through the pantry slashing Matt’s head into a pool of blood and guts. Nick is under the stairs preying to G-d that this man doesn’t find him. Well one soul down only one more to go. Suddenly he hears Nick breathing Heavily. He makes quite slow steps he stops right before the stairs and turns on a light. He then walks slow again and when he reaches Nick. He looks down and Nick sees this mans face is nothing but a Skull covered in all his victims blood . Well good night little boy he shout as he sticks the chainsaw into the heart of this poor innocent child. Well it seems my work here is done he says to himself. He then walks back up to the bedroom waiting for another foolish child to walk into his house so he can kill them like the other victims.
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8 comments:
Your story is realy good and it has good suspence. it kept me wondering whether Nick was going to live or die when the man was walking up to him.
That was a good story. But u have to put quation marks to show someone is speaking.Also good connection to the other movies like Nightmare On Elm Street and Friday The 13. All in all its a good story.
It was a good story it's just you didn't use qoutations and you should probably take out the word "totally".
Great story. You need to use qutation marks when the chracters speak though. Also you should add a little more detail like what the house looks like or more of what th man looks like lead me into the story.
Your story is fantastic but you need to use quotation marks more. It was hard to figure out who was talking in your story. Use better punctuation like adding more cammas when you need to and exclamation points.
If this was a movie, it would be pretty gory. You used alot of detail which is good. But like everyone else said, you needed to put quotation marks in. All in all, it was a good story.
You used a lot of dialogue which made your story greatly interesting and fun to read.You need to add quotation marks around the dialogue.The boys run as if they were going for a game winning touchdown in football is an excellent simile. You mispelled the word God in the following sentence. Nick is preying to G-d. But over all I would give you an A if I was a teacher.
It sounded lik you were using Nick from our class but I know you werent. Great story. But you need to add quations.
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