“Swamp House”
It was 12 a.m. midnight on Saturday. The year was 2000 and it was a dark night in the swamps of Georgia. Tom and Jack were driving home after going to their friend’s party. Suddenly, a fog comes upon them and the car’s lights start to flash on and off. Boom! The car abruptly falls into the swamp water. “What just happened?” Jack yelled.“Don’t know,” answered Tom. At this point, the car was stuck and both Tom and Jack were stuck in the swamp. They both looked at each other with eyes full of fear. Then Tom nervously asked, “What are we going to do?” “I don’t know, if we get stuck here we can be eaten by alligators.” “We should get the glow sticks from the trunk.” “Yes get them so we can see through this darkness.” “……They are not here Jack.” “Oh yeah they’re in the glove compartment.” “What glove compartment?” “What do you mean, what, how did this happen!” The glove compartment was ripped off and nothing remained. Tom and Jack were lost in the swamp with no protection, no light, and no food. Then out of nowhere they saw a light in the distance. “Hey look Tom there is light over there!” Jack cried out joyfully. The light seemed like light from a lighthouse to them. Jack ran towards the light to find out it was a firefly. Furious Jack grabs the fire fly and kills it in frustration and walks back to Tom sorrowfully. “What are we going to do we can be here for weeks if we don’t move.” Then out of nowhere, winds stronger than a hurricane blow through the swamp and blew the men off their feet. When the wind ceased and the men recovered from their fall they got up miraculously unwounded. Then Tom looked around him and saw a house. He cried out, “Hey Jack look there is a house over there!” They both ran towards the house. Whole observing the house, it seemed to smile at them.
"Think anyone lives there?” Jack asked. “Don’t know maybe if we’re lucky they can help us get out of here.” Tom answered. “Let’s knock before we go in.” “Okay.” Jack knocked on the door and the door opened with an ear splitting creak. The creak was so loud it seemed like it could break all the windows on the house. An old lady steps out of the door slowly. She looked as though she was 120 years old. Her whole body was full of wrinkles and her voice was old and cracked. She looked straight into the men’s eyes, “Yes, what is it?” “Our car has fallen into the swamp water, may we use your telephone to call for help” Tom replied. “Yes.” “Thanks.” Tom started to dial the phone number of one of his friends and all of a sudden the line was disconnected and the phone did not work. Meanwhile, Jack was looking around the dirty house. It very dusty had rats with glowing red eyes, cockroaches, mosquitoes, and many other bugs. They were creepily crawling chaotically throughout the house. “Shoot, the phone doesn’t work,” Tom said with much grief. Then Tom asked, “May we please sleep here for tonight.” “Yes, sleep at this house” the old lady answered. “Thanks for your kindness.” Then Jack grabbed Tom and brought him outside and whispered to him, “The house is full of bugs, rats. I do not trust this lady.” “It’s either stay out here in the cold, have no shelter, and get eaten by alligators, or this old lady’s house” “Okay fine this old lady’s house.” “Well I’m going to hit the sack.” Tom yawned. “Good night.” Jack replied. Both Tom and Jack were getting ready for bed then. Bang, bang! There was banging from up stairs. They glanced at each other and went up stairs and saw and heard nothing. Then they heard banging down stairs. They ran down stairs and saw and heard nothing again. “Where are these sounds coming from?” Jack questioned. “I don’t know,” Tom answered, “However I just thought of something. You go up stairs and I’ll stay here and then we will see who is making the bangs.” They did this and then the worst happens. A screech from nowhere comes upon them. The screech felt like it was going to blow up their ears. This torture lasted for a minute which felt like hours. They thought they would have gone deaf but they didn’t. That was when they realized the house was haunted. Just after the screech ended the both heard the banging. Jack heard it downstairs, Tom heard coming from upstairs. They both cried out, “I hear it. Tom ran upstairs and heard it too. So then he ripped off the boards on the floor and found another floor beneath them. When Tom opened it many bugs and rats came out and started eating both Tom and Jack alive. The tried to get them off but there was too many of them. They were covered from head to toe with the bugs and rats biting them. They ran out of the house screaming. They ran into the swamp never to be seen again. Tom and Jack have never been found. They can be dead or still being eaten alive today. If they are still alive they will be eaten by those bugs and rats to the bone. Some people hope they are still alive but others have accepted the fact, they are dead. Every person who has gone to those swamps and has gone to the old lady’s house has never been seen again.
The End?
Monday, November 06, 2006
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4 comments:
jp11,
I like how you use many dialog in the story. I like your story because it has to do with alligators which we have many of them here in Florida. When Jack and Tom fall in the swamp I felt very scared, because of the alligators, and I felt very cold. I think your story is very scary; specially the part where they are eated alive by rats and bugs... AHHHH!!!!
by, AM
You used alot of dialogue. But being honest, you have quite a few spellin mistakes. Anyway overall it is pretty good. I liked where the setting was, in a swamp in Georgia. Very creative.
Sorry, I was telling you about your spelling mistakes when i spelled spelling wrong. :)
I agree with VS, you do have a lot of spelling mistakes and that makes it hard to follow. Don't take this the bad way, but if no one tells you, you don't know..
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